Getting Older

I ride on a commuter train has me engaged in three things at the same time: reading, watching and thinking.

My commute is about 20 – 25 minutes which gives plenty of time to do all three, but I find myself doing the latter two the most. What am I watching and what am I thinking? Mostly the older people. Why am I watching? I watch their actions. How they just sit there looking out the window and I wonder what are they thinking about. Then I start thinking about getting old and will I be like the person I am watching and observing? A good 99.9% of time, I hope I do not become the person I am observing for they seem lonely and without hope. They seem to be holding on to hope, all the while hope is trying to release itself from their grappling hold.

I have always wanted to make my living doing something I thoroughly enjoy doing which is either music or writing. I have released two CDs and two poetry books. Both were done with the determination of me and both released by way of myself. I could have tried to find a more traditional way of having both release (music by way of a record label and poetry by way of an agent then a publishing company), but in this day and age of the internet and self-publishing sites, I choose the non-traditional way, which is slowly becoming the alternative traditional way.

My dream was to “make it” in the field of music. I wanted to tour and such. But now I am older and the dream has whittled down to just being able to make a living writing music. Because of my love of poetry (Dickinson, Poe, Hughes, Frost, etc.) I wanted to make it a successful poet. I did not want to become known for my poetry after I had left this earth to where I cannot enjoy the rewards of my hard work. I am still working towards my goal. The same concept goes for my music.

I do not want to be 60 something years old retiring from a 9 – 5 job. I dread that everyday I am on the commuter train. That’s another thing I wonder about when I am observing the older people. I wonder did they accomplish what they wanted in life? Are there goals they are still trying to reach? Are there goals they did not reach and thus regret it? Well, its not reaching the goal they would regret, its not trying. I do not want to be on the ‘not trying’ end, but more importantly, I do not want to be on the ‘did not reach my goals end’.

I am currently editing my first novel and I feel what I am writing about, although written before, has not been written by the likes of me. My intentions did not begin that way, but they soon fell that way as a leverage on my part in possible high sales.

I will be self publishing my novel and promote my novel as well. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.

But of everything I fear when I reach my golden-years I fear of being lonely. I fear the person I am with will go before me and I will not know what to do with myself.

When I was young, I did not mind being alone. As a matter of fact I preferred it that way. But now I am getting older and feel time is fleeting (which it is unfortunate), I don’t want to be alone. I think that’s why I enjoy the internet so much. Although I do not speak to others on pogo.com just being able to go where they are people is comforting enough for me.

I think as long as the internet is around and I still have my wits about me, I will be okay.

““Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.” Fulton Oursler

V for Vendetta, Watchmen, and Berlin

*gn = graphic novel / *rb= regular book

I have begun to read graphic novels and it started with, none other than, V for Vendetta. It started with me buying it along with the novel (which was inspired by the film). Yes, you heard right. The novel was inspired by the film. Sidebar: V for Vendetta movie was inspired by the graphic novel by Alan Moore. After the movie came the novel.

Anyhoo. I bought the regular novel and graphic novel right after seeing the movie…literally right after seeing the movie. My friend and I went to Barnes and Noble after leaving the theater and bought both books. I began reading the rb, but had the gn close by. I soon put down the and started on something else. I seem to be writing but not saying much, so I will get to the point of this composition.

I am not sure who it was, but someone told me I should read the graphic novel of V for Vendetta. I had also heard that the character of V is very different in the gn than in the movie in that V wasn’t so nice. So, that right there, got me interested. I did pick up the gn and started reading, but ended up putting it down for something else. It had nothing to do with the gn itself, it just had to do with how I was feeling at the time and at the time I was not in the mood at that time.

Then came the graphic novel Watchmen also by Alan Moore. Sidebar (yet again): Here’s a bit of trivia. In the movie V for Vendetta when Evey comes from under the desk when V was on TV, there is a copy of Watchmen on the desk. I was informed about this graphic novel by a co-worker who recommended another one I will be speaking about in a minute. When I was recommended Watchmen I ordered it immediately from Barnes and Noble online Barnes and Noble. As soon I received it from my best friend UPS, I began reading it and have not stopped. Its been about two weeks now and I am almost done. I thoroughly enjoy the book and can’t get enough of it. This book is definitely not for kids and you have to have an open mind to read it. You do not need to be a fan of graphic novels to enjoy this book, but you will be afterwards.

Synopsis: Watchmen is set in 1985, in an alternative history United States where costumed adventurers are real and the country is edging closer to a nuclear war with the Soviet Union (the Doomsday Clock is at five minutes to midnight). It tells the story of a group of past and present superheroes and the events surrounding the mysterious murder of one of their own. Watchmen depicts superheroes as real people who must confront ethical and personal issues, who struggle with neuroses and failings, and who – with one notable exception – lack anything recognizable as super powers.

The drawings and writing is nothing I have ever seen before in this particular graphic novel . Because of this book, my desire to read more graphic novels has been fueled.

Second recommendation by the same co-worker was Berlin: City in Stones by Jason Lutes.

Synopis: Berlin: City of Stones presents the first part of Jason Lutes’ captivating trilogy, set in the twilight years of Germany’s Weimar Republic. Kurt Severing, a journalist, and Marthe Muller, an art student, are the central figures in a broad cast of characters intertwined with the historical events unfolding around them. City of Stones covers eight months in Berlin, from September 1928 to May Day, 1929, meticulously documenting the hopes and struggles of its inhabitants as their future is darkened by a glowing shadow.

I have just started reading this book (while still reading Watchmen) because, as mentioned, I have fallen in love with graphic novels. There is a book two by Lutes that will come out in August and I plan on pre-ordering it.

V for Vendetta to follow in next blog because it’s a blog within itself.

V for Vendetta and then some!

Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot
I know of no reason, the gun powder treason
Should ever be forgot!

Synopsis: The date is November 5th, 1997. War has ravaged England, entire races have been eradicated, the entire British populace is under constant surveillance, and the absolute power is absolutely corrupt. On this historic day, a man with a strong resemblance to Guy Fawkes (in action and dress) blows up Parliament. The bomber, a masked character named V, saves a girl named Eve from a violent crime and takes her under his wing. Moore’s dystopian, fascist version of England, ruled by one central leader and his sects (named after parts of the body, such as Finger, Nose, and Voice), is systematically dismantled by the enigmatic V. Readers must ultimately decide if V is a mad anarchist/terrorist or a freedom-fighting avenger for good. Amazon.com

Although the story in the graphic novel is set in 1997, the movie has it set in the future.

Now, on to V for Vendetta. Being the V freak that I am (I have the V insigna tattooed on my upper left arm as shown above in photo) you would think I would have ripped right into that book as soon as I bought, but I didn’t. I looked at it, read a few pages and that was it. Why? Well, because graphic novels were not my thing….AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!! I got the book because I became a huge fan of V for Vendetta and still am a fan. After the graphic novel and regular novel, came the posters, mouse pad and plague made for me by a friend, a 12″ resin statue and then the same thing but less expensive…much less…the second one I bought only cost $24.00 via eBay which is called an “action figure”. Well, its still in the box and will remain there, so no action there. The first one cost $124.00. (Note to self – get 12″ resin encased immediately). Also on eBay, I got a collectible lithograph. Through bn.com I got the book From Script to Film. I also have the licensed Halloween mask (never worn and never will be worn). I need to get the hat but will not pay $150 for an outfit unless it was worn by Hugo Weaving himself. There’s another V for Vendetta book I will be getting soon titled V for Vendetta as Cultural Pastiche: A Critical Study of the Graphic Novel and Film. I have a few more items to collect and then I will in like sin.

“I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidences.”